New Year, New...bowels?

Well, hello there! Thanks for your tact in not mentioning that I haven't written anything in over two years. Sometimes one needs a short hiatus to eat things such as calzones, pies, cakes, samosas fried in beef fat, croissants, beef wellington, sticky toffee pudding, keugel, lasagna, everything at their friend's Olive Garden-catered birthday party, god-only-knows-how-many pizzas, lots and lots of bread, and basically whatever one wants... Yes, sometimes someone needs a short hiatus eating those things to hear their poor body begging (BEGGING) for some of the healthy things that said person used to write about in her blog.

Oh my poor, poor guts. How long it has been since I put something fermented in my body? How long since I said no to that bag of chocolate chips in the pantry (it's been less than 15 minutes). And I know better! Geez Louise. Well, what better than starting a new year to get my eating in check. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of my bowels working VERY hard for not a lot of payoff (let's just leave it at that), I'm tired of feeling sad and gassy and having headaches. Hey, hypochondria -- You don't have a brain tumor, you just didn't eat or drink anything until 1 pm when you were so famished you inhaled a cupcake!

I know well enough that in order to eat healthy, you have to have the intention to eat healthy. You have to put time and effort into coming up with recipe ideas, making time to shop for the right things, and staying ahead of your hunger so you're not tempted. I know these things, and still, sometimes my laziness gets the better of me! Or sometimes I tell myself that this is my last pizza for awhile, that I'm too tired to cook "tonight", or that it's really not that bad (didn't the government say that pizza counts as a vegetable??). I'm only human, and sometimes I really am too tired to cook! Which is why when that happens, if there is a past version of me that has prepared for that moment of weakness, I have nothing to worry about! So here's to waking up that version of myself that cares about my energy level, self-image (listen, I know I'm beautiful, but something about the extra 10 pounds just makes me not look like me), my lifespan, the possibility of being disease-free when I am old, and the possibility of passing on good, healthy genes to my future offspring. It's going to be a great year!

So, here we go. I'll share some of my recipes with you, I'll be honest about my weaknesses and missteps and times that I give in, and we will do our best to honor ourselves by honoring our bodies. Happy New Year!

Pumpkin puree!

I've been a professional cook for many years. And for some reason, the idea of making a real live pumpkin into puree for a pie was always sooooo daunting. "Why not just buy the canned stuff?" my laziness would say to me, and I'd say, "You're right." My laziness and I get along REAL well. Anyway, I finally did it, and the pumpkin pie it created is well, truly a work of art. We will concentrate on the puree, since there are a million pumpkin pie recipes available (this is the one I made).

First, go pick a cute little pumpkin out of a cute little pumpkin patch.

Next, cut that baby in half, scoop out the seeds (roast them and feed them to the birds!) and grease it with some coconut oil. Put them cutside down on a parchment-lined pan and roast at 375 for 45 minutes, til it's easily pierced with a fork.

Take it out and let it cool slightly. One half at a time, peel off the skin and put the flesh in the food processor. Process til smooth, repeat with other side, and voila!

(Not Your Everyday) Tuna Casserole! Grain and Dairy Free!

Newsflash: Pasta isn't really that good for you. Sure, it nourishes your soul (and your soul is important), but as a general rule of healthy eating, grains should be eaten sparsely and sprouted first. Should. Am I going to completely stop eating pasta for the rest of my life? No. But, if there is a way to cut back on my grain intake while eating stuff that is absolutely delicious, I say why not! I'll save up my pasta-eating for my trip to Italy, which will take place when I have enough money. Which will be in say, 10 years.

THIS is a great way to get some extra veggies in your belly without even realizing it. I'm not crazy (and you're not an idiot), so I won't tell you that you "won't notice the difference" or some nonsense along those lines. This will never take the place of that egg noodle-based, canned cream of mushroom, Ruffles potato chip-topped tuna casserole from my childhood, no way. But it does taste absolutely delicious, has no processed ingredients (I cheated and bought mayo instead of making me own, so sue me!), and doesn't have that dairy that causes me to spend a lot of time in the bathroom after eating it. Sounds pretty good to me!

May I present to you: Tuna (Spaghetti Squash) Noodle Casserole! Grain and dairy free!

Ingredients:
1 small (2-ish pounds) spaghetti squash
Coconut oil, for roasting

1 Tbsp coconut oil
1/2 yellow onion, sliced
1/2 cup frozen green beans (or peas, or both!)
2 tsp chopped fresh sage
1/3 cup homemade or paleo-approved mayonnaise
1 egg, beaten with the mayo
2 cans sustainable, pole-caught tuna, drained
1-2 tsp coconut flour
1/4 cup almond meal
salt, pepper, red chili flake, to taste

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 375. Cut the squash in half lengthwise. Scoop out the seeds (save those and roast them if you want!) and rub coconut oil on the exposed insides. Season with salt and pepper, and roast cut-side down for 35-45 minutes until tender.
2. While squash is roasting, saute the onions in coconut oil until translucent. Add beans and/or peas and sage to the pan and turn off the heat.
3. When squash is finished roasting, cool until the halves can be handled enough (use an oven mitt if you have to) to scoop the insides into a bowl. Turn the oven down to 350.
4. Add the onion/veg mixture to the bowl along with the mayonnaise/egg mixture, tuna, and coconut flour. Season to taste.
5. Transfer mixture to an appropriately-sized casserole dish (a 2-quart works perfectly) and top with the almond meal. Season top with salt and pepper.
6. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes until cooked through. Place under broiler for 1-2 minutes, if desired, to crisp up the almond topping.
7. Allow to cool for at least 15 minutes, and serve!

The SMELLS in the kitchen alone are worth making this. A fantastic meal for a cozy night, and one your body will thank you for!

Water. Agua. H2O. Take the GALLON CHALLENGE!

Water. Who would think that something so obvious could be something that is so important? We've all heard it before, but the truth is that most of us are dehydrated without even knowing it! I say most of us, because I assume that everyone is in the same boat as I am. My bff and I embarked on the "gallon challenge" 5 days ago, and even in that short period of time, I have noticed huge changes. I share them here because I am so pleasantly surprised that implementing something has made such a noticeable difference in such a short period of time, and also because if I can drink a gallon of water per day (I survive on tea, kombucha, smoothies, and chicken stock - all great, but they're not water) then anyone can!

I made myself a little jar with my goal and places for tally marks. It's fun to keep track of your progress! Notice my 1 tally mark after chugging one jar right after waking up. Add some lemon to help make your body more alkaline, which is a really good thing. Drinking water first thing will jumpstart your metabolism for the day.

In 5 days I have noticed:
- Decreased appetite
- Improved bowel function (like, 3 times a day, y'all)
- Clear, glowing skin
- SIGNIFICANT reduction of menstrual cramps
- Noticing thirst (why is that good? Because I am now tuned into all the times I thought I was hungry and was actually craving water. I was mixing up my body's signals - she must have been feeling really misunderstood)

So here is some scientific stuff about the importance of hydration. It's good to know that when you feel thirsty, you are already pretty dehydrated, so it's a good idea to keep a bottle or jar (please, no plastics) on you at all times to sip on throughout the day. Sufficient hydration will assist your cells in healing themselves and functioning properly, leading to better sleep and better energy levels through the day. Fully hydrated blood (blood is 92% water) flows more easily through your body, aiding in cardiovascular function. When the body is dehydrated, it creates more histamines (compounds that can create allergy symptoms). Proper hydration helps our skin rid itself of toxins - dehydration leads skin to become irritated, inflamed, itchy, red, and prone to breakouts. A well-hydrated body purges toxins and metabolic wastes more efficiently, and allows matter to pass more quickly through the digestive tract. Staying hydrated keeps our cells more balanced, and we will feel hungry less often. Not to mention, drinking as much water as it takes to stay hydrated will, in all likelihood, decrease the amount of sugary, caffeinated beverages that we consume. Win, win (win, win, win)!

Who's up for the Gallon Challenge?! Join me, it will be worth it!

Gut-healing, Skin-polishing, Antioxidant-rich GUMMY CUBES!

Wow, you guys. This recipe is incredibly easy and simple, but before we get to that, I have to regale you with the many reasons that these tasty gummies are so good for you. To me, there's nothing better than knowing the good something is doing for my body once I put it in my mouth. I'm not alone, right?! Hey pregnant Moms: these are a great way to increase that protein intake, which is so important for decreased swelling, reducing varicose veins, and protecting against birth complications. Not to mention the fewer wrinkles, reduced joint pain, and less cellulite for the rest of us!

So the recipe has 3 ingredients, each of which have lots of health benefits.

Blueberries have a low glycemic index, which means they don't make your blood sugar spike (which in turn spikes insulin, which is hard on your body and creates resistance to insulin over time, aka diabetes, eek!). They are known to have the highest number of antioxidants of any fruit, though unfortunately many of the antioxidants are lost during the cooking process, which is why we cook this very gently. The antioxidants in blueberries help protect against cancer, support the cardiovascular system, protect the digestive tract, and can help against neurodegenerative diseases! That all sounds pretty good to me, kinda makes me want to include more antioxidant-rich foods in my diet...

...Like lemons! Lemon juice has all kinds of vitamins, aids in digestion and detoxification, and has antioxidants (great for your skin). It is important that it isn't heated too hot as to undermine all these benefits, so add it once your blueberry mixture has cooled down a bit. As always, organic is best.

Now, the gelatin. The gelatin is the star of the show here. This is a great product (which I used), as is this one. Both of these are minimally processed forms of collagen from beef. The second option is even better than the first because it comes from grass-fed cows, which when it comes to beef, is really the only kind we should be eating. Protein powders are so popular these days, but the amount of processing it takes to separate the protein out of plants is something that is best avoided. Remember, processed foods are never as good for us as food straight from nature. Gelatin in our diets improves the lining of our digestive tracts, healing tiny holes that allow particles to leak into our bodies causing inflammation and allergies. An amino acid present in gelatin (called glycine) acts similarly to anti-anxiety or antidepressant medications, lowering stress hormones and improving our mood. Collagen has been present in the diets of humans for most of history, though in the olden days, it took the form of slow-cooked bone broths. Since many of us haven't yet adopted the bone broth habit, this is the next best thing! (What's that? You want to learn how to make bone broth, you say? Well, what do you know, I have a recipe and instructions right here!)

Now, lets make these babies.

Equipment:
1. A mold (I used a silicone ice cube tray, but you could pour your mixture into any pan and cut it into pieces once it sets)
2. Small saucepan
3. Blender (I used a Nutribullet)

Ingredients:
1. 1 cup organic blueberries
2. Juice from 1 lemon (you can use the zest too, if you want them really lemony!)
3. 4 Tbsp (1/4 cup) good-quality powdered gelatin

Instructions:
1. Heat the blueberries over low heat until steam just starts to rise and blueberries plump up slightly.
2. Allow to cool for a few minutes, and add juice from 1 lemon (no seeds!)
3. Place this mixture into your blender or Nutribullet and blend until smooth.
4. Add gelatin and blend again (the mixture should still be fairly warm in order to melt the gelatin sufficiently).
5. Pour mixture into your mold.
6. Place in fridge and allow to set for 1 hour.
7. Remove from the mold.
8. Place in a sealed glass jar.
9. Enjoy!

You say potato, I say potato salad

Hey, y'all. So, if you're following my blog (all 3 of you), you have learned how to make your own mayonnaise, fermented veggies, and fermented mustard. Well, what can you do with all that stuff? A lot of things, but here is one SUPER easy application that uses all of them!

This came about because I had a couple of extra cooked potatoes from another dish (if you don't, just cook some!), and I needed to throw something together for a picnic at the lake. It can't get much easier than this, folks. I provide a recipe just for reference, but you can change it up quite drastically to make it taste the way you like. For me, potato salad doesn't need too much more than potatoes, mayo, and a pickled element.

This recipes uses 2 small potatoes and makes enough salad for a 1-person picnic.

2 small potatoes, cooked whole and unpeeled until easily pierced with a fork and cooled
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 Tbsp chopped fermented vegetables of your choice (I used carrots and beets)
1 Tbsp fermented mustard
Pinch of dried dill (or other herb of your choice)
salt and pepper to taste

*You could also add some chopped bell pepper, some paprika, some celery, celery salt... however you like your potato salad.

1. Cut the potatoes into small cubes.
2. Mix everything together.
3. Put in a jar and take it to the lake. The end.

Does anyone get the thrill I do from making a dish with only elements that I have made myself? This is the healthiest potato salad I have ever had, which also makes it the most delicious. No gross chemicals in store-bought mayonnaise for this lady. No yucky preservatives from store-bought pickles, or weird artificial colors from storebought mustard. Plus a ton of probiotics! Not doing potatoes because of their high starch (aka sugar) content? Cooked cauliflower florets would work fantastically too!

Whole Food, Fudgey, PALEO Brownies!

Listen. Not to toot my own horn, but I know my way around a brownie. I once held the title "Assistant Pastry Chef", and have made some sweets in my day. The kind of sweets that give you diabetes with all their white sugar and white flour, and sometimes even CORN SYRUP. I used to be a different person. As much as I hate to admit it, that is what "good" means to most people ("Former Me" included) when it comes to desserts. If you were to ask most people if they wanted a sprouted whole wheat croissant made with date sugar, they'd probably look at you and politely decline, right?!

Here is a real paradigm-changer when it comes to desserts. I promise you, there is no way you'll take a bite of this and even realize it's healthy. You can bring this to a normal ol' party and really pull the wool over your friends' eyes. They won't even know they're not eating processed sugars or refined carbohydrates! You can look at them with the twinkle of a secret in your eye thinking, "HA! These are not going to kill you!" Honestly, sometimes it's like the worse something is for us, the better it tastes. Guess what! We don't have to be naughty to have a fantastic treat!

Dates! Bananas! Both whole foods, with all their fiber in tact to help your body digest their sugars slowly. Almond butter provides the structure as well as the fat! Bittersweet chocolate is balanced out by some maple syrup (yes, aka sugar, but UNPROCESSED), a couple pastured eggs, and a few more basics and voila! Plus it's mostly made in the food processor (you could do it with a stand mixture or a handheld mixer as well), which makes it a breeze!

PREHEAT oven to 325. Gather the following Equipment:

Food Processor
small bowl
large bowl
rubber spatula
8 x 8 square baking pan
parchment paper
coconut oil for greasing pan

Gather the following Ingredients:

1 cup almond butter (homemade or store bought)
2 large eggs
4 dates, pitted and soaked in hot water for 10 minutes
1/2 ripe banana
1/3 cup maple syrup
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup dark cocoa powder
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp baking soda
1/3 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, melted
1/3 cup bittersweet chocolate chips

Line an 8 x 8 baking pan with parchment paper and grease with coconut oil. You'll have the best luck with edges of parchment that are longer than the sides of the pan. Accomplish this by using two pieces of parchment cut to the width of the pan.

In a small bowl over a pan of low-simmering water, get your 1/3 cup chocolate chips melting. In your food processor, blend together the almond butter, eggs, soaked dates, banana, maple syrup, and vanilla. Add the cocoa powder and *STIR IN BY HAND* before turning the machine back on. The cocoa will explode everywhere otherwise! Add your salt and baking soda, and blend until incorporated. Add melted chocolate and pulse just until combined. Pour this mixture into a large bowl and fold in 1/3 cup whole chocolate chips.

Bake for 15-18 minutes until edges are cooked and middle is not raw. Cool in pan. Remove from pan by pulling up the edges of the parchment paper and slice into squares. YUM!